


apocalypse

by orphan_account



Category: nonfiction - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Mental Health Issues, Other, Stream of Consciousness, apocalypse is a good song, basically just me writing down things that are heavy on my mind, cigarettes after sex inspired, i am okay i promise, lowercase intended i guess, maybe you can relate, my thoughts, this is kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29548728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a short bit of thought that’s been on my mind lately
Kudos: 1





	apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> writing is a form of escape for me, and while I know this is something very personal to me I can’t help but hope I am not the only one going through this. This about someone that hurt me a lot and these are things I wish I could tell that person, but I can’t. So, I’m going to post it here and maybe find it again at a random point in my story. 
> 
> I was listening to Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex when writing this

this shouldn’t be this hard  
everyone else gets it right  
they don’t struggle, they don’t hurt, they don’t cry, they don’t feel like this   
it comes naturally to them, they’ve been doing well all their life and they’re doing well now  
why is it so hard for me? why can’t I get things right? why do I not understand? why am I not doing well? why am I hurting?

every time I hear you laugh I wish you were the one that cries themselves to sleep every night  
every time I hear you speak I wish you were the one that has to put effort into staying alive every day  
every time I see you do well I wish you were the one that has never made anyone proud   
every time I see you with your friends I wish you were the one that feels like everyone is playing a role, no one means what they say, everyone is lying 

you’ve taken everything from me  
you took my happiness  
you took my smile  
you took my chance  
you took my life  
you took me

I’m not myself anymore  
I don’t know who I am, I don’t recognize myself   
I’m not who I wanted to be   
I am artificial, everything I do is forced and has been thought through one too many times

everything just adds onto the weight  
the weight that pushes me down   
so far down  
one day it will be too heavy  
so heavy  
it’ll be so heavy I can’t breathe   
and you will sit on top

this shouldn’t be this hard  
everyone else gets it right  
they don’t struggle, they don’t hurt, they don’t cry, they don’t feel like this   
it comes naturally to them, they’ve been doing well all their life and they’re doing well now  
why is it so hard for me? why can’t I get things right? why do I not understand? why am I not doing well? why am I hurting?

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure anyone will even read this, but if you do please know i’m very grateful for you. I am proud of you. You are loved.


End file.
